So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
