Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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