for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
