I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
