im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
