can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
