the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
