home. puking in laundry basket.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
