Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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