ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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