i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
