Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
