I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
