even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
