if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Four minutes until I can fart!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
