I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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