I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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