I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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