well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
