SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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