i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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