Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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