He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
