it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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