Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
