There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
