She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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