Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
