Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
