There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
