but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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