Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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