im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
