I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
