it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
