this beer tastes like vomit already
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
