So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
