Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
