i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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