I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
