Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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