hotel room ftw
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
