I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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