when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
