i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
