Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
