I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
