You just made me feel so damn special
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
