i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
