Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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