my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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