he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
