You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
