oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
