Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
