So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
