im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
