I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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