Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
