piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
