In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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