I'm so fucking centered right now
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
