Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
