so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
