4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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