Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
