i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hippo gnu deer
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
