ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
