I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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