its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
