Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
