Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
