I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
