I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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