My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
