I need to stop coming to work sober
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
